Jealous ... love my wife ... community

So, this is from yesterday but I didn't have time to write about it until right now. I realized that I am jealous of my son. Why? Because he gets the best and the most of my wife (attention, time, and energy). I was always wondering why it was that I would get frustrated with Ezra so quickly and it dawned on me yesterday as I was doing my treatments that I subconsciously was jealous of my 2 and a half year old son, which sounds ridiculous, and that's why I always dismissed it, but as it was Valentine's day yesterday, I was thinking about how much I love Carrie and wished I could spend more time with her but didn't because she was or is tending to Ezra. Morning, afternoon and night, she is tending to him in some way or another.
I hope as you are reading this that you don't think that I am saying that I don't love my son or that I don't want my son. I love my son and we actually had a nice day yesterday and today, but what I am trying to say is that I am jealous of my wife's time and attention, which is very similar to how God feels about us. In the old testament, God describes Himself as being a jealous God of Israel, his beloved. I remember the first time I heard this was in high school. My friend, who was not a Christian at the time, said he couldn't believe in a god who displayed silly human emotions like jealousy. At the time, I couldn't believe that something like that could keep a person from believing in God. I would have thought that would be the very thing that would drive someone to believe. To think that God, the creator of the universe, is jealous of our time and attention. He doesn't want us to follow a to-do list or "setting up a time" to meet with Him. He wants us to eagerly desire time with Him and to enjoy our time with Him.
That's what I want with Him, my wife and my son (and soon to be second child). I so want to be jealous of their time that I can't get enough of them. I love them so much and I realize that I can't be with them at all times and I have to share my time, but if I can have as much time with them, I will be happy.
Which leads me to my other revelation yesterday. Carrie would often say to me that she is tired of doing things by herself or with other people besides me. I understood what she was saying, but I didn't fully understand what she was saying until yesterday. I was getting a sense of what she was talking about, but didn't think it was a big deal because I was around and thought that was good enough ... wrong. This past week and half, I have had to do a lot of the treatments on my own, but typically partners will come to assist in the treatments so they can learn how to do it to help when it's time to go home. We had to bring Ezra with us, so Carrie has not been able to be by my side the whole time for the treatments or meetings, which is okay, but God has been revealing to me how Carrie had been feeling in the past. Lonely.
I know there were times that I had to be alone so that I could sort out things with God in prayer, song or weeping alone, but there have also been times where I am so glad that Carrie has been there with me. Like this morning. I was feeling down and sore to the point of tears and every time I looked at Carrie I would start to cry. I don't know why, but it was so good to have Carrie there with me. God is definitely unlocking some emotions that I have had bottled up for a long time. So, getting back to yesterday, I was doing my treatments as usual by myself and I realized that I hated being alone. As I said before, some times it was good for me to be alone, but to be alone the whole time was not cool. As I finished up my treatments for the afternoon, I decided to head back to the hotel. I took the long way so that I could see the park that Carrie, Ezra and Ted walked to and I found loads of people out and about because the weather was gorgeous and it was Valentine's day so people were out celebrating. It was like a big huge festival as Carrie described it. So that much more I was missing Carrie. God revealed to me that what I was missing was one of the core things that we were talking about at church a few weeks ago: Community. God made us to be in community. We need His word and prayer, but the other key element to life is community. I was missing it. My core community while we have been down here has been Carrie and Ezra. My community has grown through Dr. Tony, Anna-Maria, Teresita, Eddie, Paul, Elio, George, Sergio, Jesus, George, Aida, Donnie, etc. but nothing matches my wife and son. I was so eager to see them that I found myself walking faster and faster to get to the hotel to see them. I got to the hotel just in time because Carrie was leaving the hotel because she didn't get my message I sent her. God is so good. I could have shown up and she would have been gone and we would have spent time getting frustrated and stressed looking for each other, but we bumped into each other at just the right time.
We went from the hotel and walked to the beach to watch Ezra play in the sand, hang out and watch the sun set. It was a good day. I love my wife. I don't do a great job showing it to her, but I hope and pray that she would know that I love her just for who she is. Thank you, God, for my family.