Tuesday / Wednesday

So, I am making progress and as I said to the ladies at the clinic ... I feel like a machine. I am getting used to all the treatments and the schedule that I am going from one treatment to the next and doing the full time for most treatments. The only one that I am still having trouble with is the sauna. I'm getting there, but not there yet.
Tuesday was a great day. I forgot to share about the muscle pain that I have been experiencing ... since starting the treatments, I have been experiencing muscle pain in my upper chest and back area. I found out that one of the reasons for my anxiousness is because we cut my pain med's down too much too fast and one of the sleep pills that they were giving me must have been giving me an allergic reaction. I have stopped with the sleep pill and guess what ... I didn't have as much pain as I was having before. I still have some soreness and pain, but not as much as when I took the sleep pill.
Anyway, I couldn't sleep last night and I found the answer to my restlessness in Romans. I read through all of Romans and I remembered why I love Romans so much. Romans 10:9. That was what I was looking for. I was listening to a Tim Keller message earlier in the day and it was all about being an inside-out Christian. That message really blessed and encouraged me. I am still in the process of fully embracing it, but I think I am 99.9999% there.
Which brings me to today. Another attack. The day was going fine. Like a machine I was going through all my treatments and I was getting ready to meet with Dr. Tony to go over my letter and to do some cleaning house, but there were several new patients who came to the clinic in the past couple of days and so he had to meet with them first. On top of that, other people went to meet him at their normal times, but I didn't get a chance to meet with Dr. Tony. In all honesty, I was really angry because I waited around all day to meet with him and forewent doing other things because I didn't want to miss my appointment. To make it up, Dr. Tony came and said that he wll give me an extended session tomorrow, but this was an interesting test. My problem is that I have a hard time forgiving and forgetting. Carrie can testify to that, but one of the things that came up in some of the sessions with Dr. Tony is that I need to let go of a lot of things ... the whole hoarding issue came up (good and bad) and I need to do something about it.
Will I forgive and forget this? I'm sure I will but the weird thing is that all kinds of things that God wants me to sort out is coming up. i.e. being kinder to Carrie, being more patient with Ezra, learning to let things go and not hold onto bitterness. It's funny how God will put us to the test so that we can learn and grow from life experiences (big or small).
So, I had to meet with Pam today to talk about home-program stuff and that caught me off guard and threw off my schedule today, which is another lesson I have to learn - learning to adjust and relaxing when my schedule gets thrown off. It's not her fault and it was good to meet, but everything was out of sorts for me. Overall, the day just felt weird. Maybe it was because I was supposed to meet with Dr. Tony to do some cleaning house (spiritually). Either way, I lost it by the time I got to the hotel and tonight was the first time we tried to do a treatment on our own (Coffee Enema). I ended up burning my insides ... hopefully all is well in the morning, but the bad is that I lost it with Carrie and Ezra. I really don't like how the enemy tries to mess things up ... or how God tries to teach us patience, faith or other important life lessons through life experiences. Don't get me wrong ... I am so thankful that God is giving me those lessons, but I get frustrated with myself because I still am not handling them very well. That's why I am so thankful for His grace. What would we be or where would we be if we did not have the mercy of God to fall on? Anyway, I've caught us up and for sure there is more to share and talk about, but that's it for right now. I have to go to sleep or at least try ... it's another full day today (it's 12:46am my time).